And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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