God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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