i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize