The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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