i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
