what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
