what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
