theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she pinky promised me she was 18
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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