woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
