Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
