found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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