In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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