I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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