So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
