Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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