mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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