I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
