That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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