im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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