Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
