id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize