So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
