Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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