Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
