I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
