What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
