Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
