Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
