I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
