did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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