ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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