so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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