My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize