We're facebook friends in real life
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
