Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
