dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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