She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
