no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
