3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
