Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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