If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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