When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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