Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm at about main and main street
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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