we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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