I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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