Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
