I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
