I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
