I'm going to jail i love you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
