I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
