We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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