I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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