it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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