once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
