What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
