I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
