i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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